Sit up straight. Pay attention. Get that finger out of your nose. Now let me see your war face. Timmy, I said war face, not constipated monkey face! Let’s just get down to business.
As anyone who is anyone already knows, my book Madness (An Odd Collection of Poetry) is out and available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. With its release has come an outpouring of encouragement and lovely little compliments such as, “This book is hilarious!” and “You are the greatest writer since God!” As flattering as these things are, an even more amazing thing has occurred. A trend has begun with satisfied readers sending me pictures of their unending book enjoyment. While this began as a way of uniting in weirdom, it has become much more. It has become a call to arms.
Yes! We are at war! And who are we at war with, you ask? I have no idea, but that just shows how sneaky the little fuckers are! This trend is no longer a simple way of saying that you like my book. This has become a way of showing allegiance to an odd army of warrior poets and chocolate milk-lovers. This is a way of standing united against everything that is politically-correct and mango-flavored. Now I must ask: Are you ready to join the cause?
Timmy…get your hand out of your pants! Creepy bastard…
I am requesting these types of photos from anyone and everyone that reads my book. Do not hesitate. Join the cause, and do your part for this odd little army. After all, you could be stricken with another Twilight book! That thought alone is enough to shrivel my lowards like a rolly polly.
Look at it this way.
It’s the year 2065. There are laser gun-wielding polar bears patrolling the streets. The Kardashians have taken over your favorite Shakey’s Pizza, and you’ve been forcibly given an implant by the government that makes everything taste like old Fruit Loops. Life is Hell, but there is hope for those in the army. It is at a time like this when we will rise from the depths and slay our enemies with forty-year-old frozen dinners. It is at a time like this when we will reign supreme. Now, how will I know if you are worthy if you have not sent in your recruitment photo? A chilling dilemma indeed. Therefore, you must act quickly and join the Odd Army!
You may send photos to email@example.com
Thus ends this weird blog.