Crimson Peak

Rating: 4 out of 5

Greetings, little booger faces. I skipped reviews on a couple movies because…well I was fucking busy. That sort of thing happens from time to time. Fortunately for my rabid masses of fans, I have returned with a review for Guillermo del Toro’s new film Crimson Peak. The movie is a sort of romantic gothic ghost story and stars Jessica Chastain, Tom Hiddleston, Charlie Hunnam, and Mia Wasikowska (I had to look that one up).

The film revolves around a young woman (Ms. Wasi-whatever) who is swept away to a creepy old house by a mysterious new lover. As you may have guessed, nothing is as it seems! Duh duh duuuuuuuuh. She soon finds herself fighting (or not) to survive. Now, I am always drawn to del Toro’s movies by the beauty in his writing and directing. He creates beautiful, often bizarre things that stick to my brain like little pieces of melted, half-chewed Starbursts. His work is immediately recognizable, and I always appreciate that.

The acting was great, as to be expected. Jessica Chastain was strange and creepy, and Tom Hiddleston (I mean Loki) was perfect for the role. Charlie Hunnam (I mean Jax) was good, but he was hard to watch and not see the jaded Sons of Anarchy leader that he is known for. I am not sure if the role just wasn’t right for him or if I was just stuck on ‘Sons.’ Perhaps it was the fact that he is a Brit using the same sort-of-crappy American accent that I have heard over and over again while watching him murder people for revenge. Mia Something was fine as the lead female, though she seemed like kind of a wiener. I didn’t really give a shit about her character.

The movie was very pretty to look at. From the sets, to the costumes and characters, everything was visually pleasing. Even the ghosts were pretty and interesting, which is to be expected in a del Toro movie. This was another movie where the twist was easily recognized very early, but it didn’t bother me much. I enjoyed the story and the journey to get there.

Perhaps I was feeling a little antsy and ADD-ish, but I was getting kind of bored at the beginning of the movie. I just wanted to get into it, and I felt like it took a while. I think they could have trimmed the fat a bit and made a shorter, more concise ghost story. After all, horror movies don’t really need to be two hours long. Also, there was one part that irritated the shit out of (literally, you should have seen the theater I was in…shit EVERYWHERE).

When Loki first meets Wiener Girl, she is typing out her novel. Somehow, he uses his superpowers and reads the shit in less than a second and immediately understands that she is writing a ghost story. When I say less than a second, I mean his eyes glanced down and he had already read the entire damn thing. He even makes a comment about it being good. Was I simply jealous of his reading ability, or was he fucking lying to her!? It’s a conspiracy!

Overall, I enjoyed Crimson Peak. Though it was too damn long and left me a little bored in the middle, the acting, story, and directing were exactly what I had hoped for and left me feeling satisfied and a little squishy inside. I give Crimson Peak four out of five.