Terminator Genisys

Rating: 2.5 out of 5

I will never forget watching Terminator 2: Judgement Day as a child and staring in awe as the advances in computer imagery were presented in all of their beautiful, violent glory. I will never forget hearing You Could Be Mine by Guns N’ Roses and thinking that Terminator 2 was the coolest fucking movie in the world. After fourteen years, we are visiting the realm of the Terminators again for Terminator Genisys.

The film stars Arnold Schwarzenegger (who is beginning to resemble a really buff nutsack), Jason Clarke, Emilia Clarke (who makes me want to be a very naughty boy), and Jai Courtney (as the annoying guy). The movie revolves around the human race fighting for survival against an army of intelligent, oppressive machines that are looking to exterminate every last remnant of their creators. It involves time travel that makes no sense, weird family reunions, and a shitty old Terminator that still manages to kick a plethora of asses. It is an action packed extravaganza of generic-ness.

The acting is fine, and I particularly liked Jason Clarke as John Connor. Without giving anything away, I enjoyed his character and the choices he made. Daenerys…I mean Emilia Clarke…did a fine job as a young Sarah Connor. This woman is doing a fantastic job at playing bad ass characters that I want to impregnate. Arnold was Arnold. He was big. He was Austrian. He made awkward jokes. You, know…Arnold (which has never been a bad thing). The only one who sort of bothered me was Jai Courtney. He was sort of the hero of the film, but there was just something about his role that I didn’t give a shit about. They kept alluding to the fact that he was supposed to die, and I was waiting for the Grim Reaper to decapitate him and shit down his neck.

Too much?

I’m sure it wasn’t entirely Jai Courtney’s fault, because the realm downfall of this movie was its writing. While the story was entertaining, there was enough cheese to make me feel bloated and gassy. The overly simplistic love story that developed way too quickly bothered me, and I wanted both of those hopeless romantics to wander into a wood chipper. It would have made more sense to me.

The effects were fine for the most part, but watching old Arnold fight young Arnold was like watching half of a videogame. Not even a quality half either. The movements were so awkward and unnatural to watch. I almost pooped myself in disappointment. The rest of the film was better, making me suffer only as much as every other action movie these days. The effects were fine, but I shouldn’t watch a Terminator movie in 2015 and think that the 1991 movie looked more realistic. Bring James Cameron back!

Overall, the movie was fairly entertaining and had some fun moments, but annoying dialogue and a lackluster story left me wanting nothing more than to relive that moment fourteen years ago when I watched a film that was truly groundbreaking and exciting. Terminator Genisys is just okay, and that is not necessarily okay. I give it two and a half out of five.

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