The Peanuts Movie Rating: 4 out of 5
Sicario Rating: 5 out of 5
Hello, my children. As you can see, today is a DOUBLE REVIEW EXTRAVAGANZA!!!!!!!
That’s right! Stretch your limbs, put on a jogging bra, lube up those armpits, and get ready for a wet and wild roller coaster of excitement!
This week, I went and saw two very different movies. The first one I will talk about is The Peanuts Movie. Now, I was very excited for this movie to come out. I love cartoons, and like many people, I grew up watching a different Charlie Brown fuck-up movie every holiday. With that said, I had a strong feeling that a new, modern adaptation of the Peanuts gang would be about as interesting as a bum fucking a trashcan lid. I assumed it would be terribly written, overly-cheesy, and without any real substance at all. Instead, The Peanuts Movie was fun, heart-warming, and entertaining. Perhaps my initial lack of faith helped, but I really enjoyed this movie.
The story revolves around Charlie Brown (of course), who is doing his best to impress the little red-haired girl (who has just moved into town). As you can imagine, the movie is simply a laundry list of fuck-ups by good ol’ Chuck. However, it feels less cliché than you would imagine. I found myself getting upset at the way the other characters were treating Charlie Brown, and part of me wanted him to seek vengeance. Would “You Shot Up The School, Charlie Brown” be an important narrative in today’s society? I imagine a movie of that sort would not go over very well, but it would be hard to blame little Charlie after seeing all of the abuse he takes at the hands of just about everyone in Peanuts Land. That is not to say that school shootings are ever justified. It is simply to say that I like violent fucking movies…and Lucy is a twat. Judging by the way Charlie Brown gets treated, I can just as easily see “You Killed Yourself, Charlie Brown” as the next installment. Someone tell the production company.
When the movie wasn’t being overly depressing and making me wish Charlie Brown would turn into Liam Neeson in the Taken movies, it was very funny and quite adorable. There was a lot of Snoopy action, and Chuck even got a little bit of redemption at the end (as you would expect). Overall, I think it was a quality movie that will satisfy kids as well as their nostalgia-obsessed parents. I give it a four out of five.
For my second movie this week, I saw Sicario. The movie stars Emily Blunt, Josh Brolin, and Benicio Del Toro, and it fucking blew my asshole out. I loved it. The movie involves a by-the-book FBI agent who is enlisted by a “secret squirrel” government task force to aid in the war against Mexican Drug Cartels. The acting was phenomenal, and Benicio in particular was nothing short of fantastic in his role as a foreign killing machine.
The writing was great, and the action made me wish I could leave the theater and kick some cartel ass immediately. The funny thing is, I don’t think it was supposed to be one of those movies. Emily Blunt’s character was not keen on the attitude and tactics of Josh Brolin and his team of government agents, and much of the movie was spent dealing with her struggle of not approving of their methods, but wanting to find out what the end result was. It brought a moral issue into the film that (I feel) was meant to make people question where the real corruption lies. Is the enemy the cartel that rapes, murders, and pillages for profit? Or is the real enemy the US government, who uses rivals, manipulation, and secret illegal tactics to control situations in the way they find most suitable for their desires? I think that was the intention, but there was no debate for me. I felt Emily Blunt’s character was weak and had an unrealistic expectation of what the law could accomplish against organizations that operate without rules or morals. In a situation where an enemy is willing to put unending limits on their level of violence, they will not respond to anything less than complete extermination. Especially when dealing with the greed of man. As we see with these organizations, money can turn men into monsters. As a result, utter brutality must often be used to combat utter brutality. That may not be a popular opinion, but it is mine. Fortunately for those who want nothing to do with such activity, there are men and women who are qualified and willing to do the job. Emily Blunt’s character was not one of them, and it bothered me that they didn’t kick her ass off the team and recruit someone more suitable for that type of work. She bothered the fuck out of me, but maybe that was because I wanted so badly to be in her position. Bullies need to be bullied.
I know that many people (including some of my friends) would not agree with the mentality I have, but that is part of what makes Sicario a great film. It leaves us to think about life outside of the movie theater. It allows us to explore what is going on around us, and allows us to look within ourselves. Sicario did that, and I was hooked from the opening scene. It was the type of movie I could have watched for days.
To me, Sicario was great in every way. The story, acting, action, and directing were all top notch, and I am very glad I finally got around to seeing it. It was one of my favorites, if not my favorite film of the year, and I highly recommend it to everyone. I give it a five out of five. There were only a few things that bothered me and that is because I am a stickler for police tactics in movies. Checking the pulse of a dude you just shot while leaving a shotgun on his lap…really fucking smart. If it wasn’t for little things like that, the movie would be perfect. Go see that shit!