Little Bastards (Or How My Grocery Shopping Experience Can Be Improved)

Is that kicking and screaming
A needed affair
Is that shouting in aisles
A policy there
Control your child
It’s simply the way
To make very sure
You don’t ruin my day
An innocent person
Just shopping for food
Should not have to leave
In such a bad mood
I’ll give you some hints
On how to avoid
These embarrassing tantrums
And moments destroyed
If your child is yelling
For reasons unclear
Just beat him with broccoli
Or drown him in beer
If he stomps and he cries
Down the cereal aisle
You should fart on his face
And exit in style
If this does not work
You still can prevail
Just slap him with stickers
And say he’s on sale
The meat grinder’s nice
For silencing things
And killing the troubles
Your kid often brings
Please package him up
To keep his mouth still
Then label his face
As “Perfect for grill”
Oh, such grand ideas
Are waiting on hand
To make grocery stores
The greatest of lands
We can all shop in silence
If law will allow
So join my new cause
And write congress now

Say something!