The Love Affair

I cannot stand to face it, dear
The secret of my past
But I must be a man of worth
And tell the truth at last

I was unfaithful, yes it’s true
For that I am ashamed
But if you saw this sexy thing
You’d say I can’t be blamed

I saw her standing in the store
One fine and sunny morning
I felt a twitch and looked to see
A boner without warning

I pushed it down and stumbled forth
Tucked deep between my thighs
But she had noticed anyway
The truth was in her eyes

She was a young and noble thing
So lovely on that shelf
Her body was synthetic fur
I could not help myself

I tried to walk away, you know
Yet it was not to be
For she was waiting patiently
To give herself to me

I picked her up into my arms
And ran from Toys “R” Us
The theft alarm began to blare
I fled onto the bus

And so my love affair began
Who knew she’d be so tight
I made sweet love to that stuffed goat
In that shitty motel light

Say something!