The Green Inferno

Rating: 3.5 out of 5

This week, I went to the movies and watched The Green Inferno. Why you ask? Well someone had to see the damn thing! Besides, violence and the idea of a secluded cannibalistic tribe is interesting to me. There is a warped sense of adventure there. Speaking of which, when are we going to get a gritty, excessively violent version of Indiana Jones? I would be all over that like Kanye on shitty music.

The Green Inferno is the latest ultra-violent horror movie by Eli Roth, who is best known for his work on Hostel. The film centers on a group of college activists who travel to the Amazon in order to save the rain forest. Of course, they soon find themselves surrounded by a tribe of bloodthirsty, cannibalistic psychopaths that want to have them for dinner (you know, the usual). It stars a bunch of people I don’t know or give a shit about, and there is a lot of so-so acting involved (which can be expected from this sort of movie), but it is not all bad. I thought Eli’s wife Lorenza Izzo did a pretty good job as the main character, and kept the film from diving into Shit City.

The story was interesting and flowed well in a way that I did not feel with Hostel. Granted, I haven’t seen Hostel since it came out, but I wasn’t really a fan of the story at the time. I enjoyed the story in The Green Inferno. Yes, it was extremely violent, but the characters had a purpose and a desire that drove them throughout the story. The tribe itself was interesting, and I enjoyed the little things about them. There was an interesting focus on the children of the tribe that gave them a more human feel. It made me see them as more than simple sadistic creatures. I would have loved to get more insight into their way of life and the origin of their beliefs, but I understand the necessity to keep them as mysterious as possible. It kept them more horrific.

I cannot deny that this movie had some sub-par acting, but the other actors were able to make up for it, and the tribe was genuinely frightening.

One thing: If you can’t handle this sort of movie, and you KNOW you can’t handle this sort of movie, don’t go see the fucking thing. You are just going to annoy the people like me who really want to pay attention. When you make squeamish noises and cry out every couple minutes to your friends that you are disgusted, it makes people like me wish you were the one being eaten by weird natives. Go watch Twilight and shut the fuck up! There…I feel better now.

Look, I’m not going to sit here and tell you that this was some spectacular movie. It didn’t break any molds and it is not going to stand the test of time as some legendary horror film or be revered like The Exorcist in forty years. It was entertaining, however, and I did have a good time watching it. I am guessing that was all Eli Roth was hoping for. For that reason, it was most definitely worth my time and money. I give it three and a half out of five.